Wheel of Death
by PatrickSim
Summary: Welcome to Wheel of Death! With your hosts, Gregg the Grim Reaper and Sunflower!!!


Wheel of Death  
  
Written by: PatrickSim  
  
  
Rodent (the announcer)- Welcome to...  
  
Crowd - WHEEL....OF....FORTU--...DEATH!!!  
  
Rodent - Now, please welcome your hosts, Gregg the Grim Reaper and Sunflower!!!  
  
Crowd applauses. Gregg heads to the wheel. Sunflower goes to the puzzle board.  
  
Gregg - Ok you pricks, here's the deal. I'm your host for Wheel of Death(and don't laugh), who the hell would name their bloody show this?, and since this is the first and last episode of this bloody show, we are going to have a 6-contestant game instead of the usual 3. Good god, now I have to introduce these smart-arses on the show...Dammit! Where are my bloody cue cards? Ah piss it all to hell. You there, introduce yourself.  
  
GMP - I am the great mighty poo, and I'm goi--  
  
Gregg - Next.  
  
Franky - I, er, I'm Franky. And I'm good at ass kickin'.  
  
Pot and Brush (from audience) - Yeah right!  
  
Franky - Shut up!   
  
Gregg - This isn't Jerry bloody Springer. Next.  
  
Weasel Boss - I'm the Weasel, and you better let me win, capiche?   
  
Gregg - F*ck off, next.  
  
Mr. Bee - I'm Mr. Bee, can I have some money now?  
  
Gregg - You have to win first, smart-arse.  
  
Mr. Bee - Then I won't tell you aout the big breasted babe...oh, she's over there.  
  
Gregg - Next.  
  
Ze Prof - I'm Ze Professor. And we will see who gets ze duct tape...*starts laughing evilly*  
  
Gregg - Next.  
  
Conker - Uhm, I'm Conker.  
  
Gregg - Wow! Is that it? smart-arse.  
  
Conker - Well, I have a gilfriend who's in the audience now, her name is Berri. I live in a house, the sky is blue, and I seem to have as many lives as I think I can get away with.  
  
Gregg - You got that right you lucky bastard. Next.  
  
Conker - Hold on, aren't you a little short to be a gameshow host?  
  
Gregg - How many _dead_ gameshow hosts have you seen before mate? What am I suppose to look like? Regis Fieldman?  
  
Conker - Good point, well made.  
  
Gregg - Next..oh that's it? good. Welcome to the show. We have have our first bloody puzzle. And the damned catergory is "Location".  
  
White blocks appear on the green blocks on the puzzle board (I'm not good at descriptions eh?).  
  
Gregg - Ok, we tossed the coin before the show, and GMP, you're first you little prick.  
  
Great Mighty Poo spins the wheel.  
  
GMP - Come on, Come on! Big money!  
  
The wheel stops and it lands on "death". A trapdoor opens underneath GMP and he falls down, a flushing noise is heard.  
  
GMP - Oh I'm going! I'm going! Oh what a world, what a world....  
  
Gregg - The pitchfork, spin the bloody wheel now!  
  
Franky spins the wheel (he has no hands....hm...) and it lands on death.   
  
Franky - Oh I'm a goner, there gonna be using me as firewood and toothpicks before you know it...  
  
Trapdoor opens and Franky falls in. A burning then screaming noise is heard.  
  
Gregg - Well that was that, nex--  
  
Franky (From underground) - Hello? Is anyone there?  
  
Gregg - Ok, just spin the whe--  
  
Franky - I'm not dead, but I seem to be badly burnt.   
  
Gregg - Weasel, just spin the blood--  
  
Franky - Hello up there? Can somebody please bring me a band-aid? The bone is coming out of the skin, and it is starting to smell like almonds...which is not good.  
  
Gregg - Just hold on for a minute.   
  
Gregg picks up the red telephone beside him  
  
Gregg - Hello? Yes, he's still down there.  
  
Voice on other side mumbles something.  
  
Gregg - No not bloody dead, but badly burnt. Can you take care of the prick?  
  
Voice mumbles something.   
  
Gregg - Riiight.....  
  
Gregg puts down the phone and grins. A door is heard underneath.  
  
Franky - Oh thank you. I'm very badly burnt, now if you could just---  
  
*bang*  
  
Gregg - Ok let's mov--  
  
Franky - You shot me!  
  
Gregg - Weasel, spi--  
  
Franky - You shot me right in the arm! Why did you--  
  
*bang bang bang*  
  
*Silence*  
  
Gregg - Ok....Weasel, can you spin the bloody wheel please.  
  
Weasel spins and lands on........death. Trapdoor opens and Weasel falls down.  
  
Guard - What? Again?  
  
Weasel - You'll never take me alive!  
  
A shootout is heard underneath, glass is broken, vases being shattered, and cats are screeching.  
  
*silence*  
  
Ze prof. spins the wheel.   
  
Mr. Bee - Hey four-eyes, it's my spin!  
  
Gregg - Ugh, just let it go. You can spin next you little prick.  
  
Mr. Bee - Whatever.  
  
The wheel stops and it lands on....(get ready for a surprise).....Death!  
  
Trapdoor opens. Ze Prof doen't fall since he is hovering in his chair.  
  
Ze Prof. - Ha! Who gets ze duct tape now?  
  
Gregg - Ugh, you'd have to be a sodding weasel now wouldn't you?  
  
Underneath the trapdoors the Panther King is waiting impatiently rolling the duct tape roll with his finger.  
  
Panther King - What's taking him so long?  
  
He takes out a remote control and presses the blue button.  
  
Ze Prof's chair malfunction and he starts to fall.  
  
Ze Prof - Why am I such a fat bast--  
  
He falls down and a conversation is heard.  
  
Ze Prof (nervously)- Vhat are you doing here my lord?  
  
Panther - My milk is still spilling when I put it on the table, why hasn't this problem been sloved?  
  
Ze Prof - Uhm, well...aha...ha...ha...I see you brought Ze duct tape......vhatever is it for?  
  
Gregg - Let's get the bloody show on the ro--  
  
Ze Prof - No! Not ze duct tape! NOOOOO!  
  
*silence*  
  
Mr. Bee gulps and spins the wheel. It lands on "lose a turn".   
  
Mr. Bee - *phew*  
  
Gregg - Bloody Hell! I thought we took that bloody spot off the wheel. Oh just piss off.  
  
Gregg pushes a red button beside him, the trapdoor underneath Mr. Bee makes a weird noise and doesn't open.   
  
Gregg - I can't be arsed with these bloody contraptions.  
  
Gregg takes out his sycth and whacks Mr. Bee in half.  
  
Conker - Well, guess it's my turn now....*sigh*  
  
Conker spins the wheel and it lands on..........."not death"  
  
Gregg - Well, it's your bloody lucky day again. Guess a letter now smart-arse.  
  
Conker - "S"  
  
Gregg - There's your to bloody "S's".  
  
The board now look like this:  
  
-- -----ss--'s ----------  
  
Conker - I'll buy an "E"  
  
Gregg - You haven't won any bloody money.  
  
Conker - I have money on me.  
  
Conker holds out a bundle of bills.  
  
Money - Another wise guy eh?  
  
Gregg takes it.  
  
Gregg - I'll be having that bloody gold card before you know it.  
  
-e ----ess--'s ----------  
  
Conker - I will solve now.  
  
Gregg - I ain't gonna bloody stop you.  
  
Conker - "Ze Professor's Laboratory"  
  
Gregg - Well I'll be damned, correct. You get to go to the bloody "bonus" round.  
  
Rodent - We'll be back after these messages.  
  
*Commercial's for gamecube show*  
  
Rodent - Welcome back, today's show is sponsored by Gamecube: Only Gamecube can prevent forest fires.  
  
Gregg - Ok you sodding squirrel, pick a bloody letter.  
  
D-E-A-T-H  
  
Conker - I think I'll take the A.  
  
Gregg - Then do it and hand it over smart-arse. Ok, here's your bloody puzzle. The category is "thing". R-S-T-L-N-E. We will give you those bloody letters as freebies. Sunflower, can you show us some letters?  
  
Sunflower - I have more things to show you honey.  
  
Puzzle looks like this:  
  
-re--'s T--n-  
  
Gregg - Now we need 3 bloody consanants and 1 bloody vowel.  
  
Conker - F, U, C, and K.  
  
Gregg - HA! Bloody good choice there mate, no letters. You have 10 bloody seconds to solve the bloody puzzle.   
  
Conker - "Gregg's Thong"  
  
Gregg - BLOODY HELL! You're right!   
  
Conker - Yeah! What'd I win?  
  
Gregg - Keep your bloody pants on.  
  
Gregg opens up the letter-card, revealing Conker's prize...."death".  
  
Conker - What the hell?!  
  
Trapdoor open and Conker falls.  
  
Gregg - That's it, piss off! I've got some cats to see....  
  
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A/N - Well, that was the show. Hope you liked it. I did this cause I didn't have science hmwk (jaw drops) and decided to do this. Review please....pretty please? Doh.....I fixed up the letter problems....I had another puzzle before but forgot to change what Conker guesses......*face turns red*.....I need a drink  
  



End file.
